From here.....
I have taken the blog private. I intended for other to be able to follow the trials and tribulations and the darker elements of my life. I did not intend it as a place to hurt the woman I've loved for 28 years. I did use it to vent on occasion, and some of that venting was aimed at her.
Not always deservedly. Depends on your viewpoint I suppose. I wish to appologize to her, but she'll never see this.
She googled my name and found this. We talked and I reconsidered a lot of what I said. I decided it should stand, but going forward I should take her feelings into account. She had decided that she did not wish to read the comment sections. And truly some of those are worse than the original....and some are more explicit about my relationship with Megan. Unfortunately her 'friends' and 'relatives' decided she needed to know even though she'd told them she didn't want to....... This caused her a lot of hurt and may have destroyed any hope of a friendly separation.
And I don't blame her. I am partially at fault for some of the things I have written, but I also hold the asshat who decided that reading sections to her knowing it would hurt in the interest of the 'truth' was more important than considering her feeling and wishes.
So now it's private.
I've moved into south east Hollywood, with a wonderful woman I'm sharing the place with. Just a friend folks. But Megan arrives Saturday night. I've told the boys she's coming. And explained about her. Perhaps too much. I'm still trying to find balance. So then a call incensed about what I'd said. I live in multiple worlds. I don't have a strong foundation and I don't know where I'll end up when the ground stops shaking. It's late and I'm rambling.
So if you're reading this you can assume you are someone I trust not to hurt those I still love but who can never truly understand..... and may not be able to travel beside me....
...to there.
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Beloved friend,
ReplyDeleteI'm honored by your trust and your confidence in myself and Cameron. And honstely, blogs are not meant to harm but to create a forum of self expression. It seems wrong to have to be politically correct when one deals in emotion.
And yet I often find myself censoring my own words, too. I want my blog to be public, and for those who need to find it to be able to do so. The grandchildren that I treasure so dearly deserve to know they were on my mind, in my heart, and splashed across blog spaces. Bold statements of love, of longing, of loss may one day create a bridge. Which also means that the truly deep pain of what their father chooses to do remains silenced. Understated.
So do you also confront those spaces and decesions of transparentcy. It isn't easy. I've had a number of those calls over the years where the ex was unhappy and wanted to make it clear. Sometimes it was well deserved. Sometimes less so.
I will suggest that friendships with ex-s tend to come with time. Right now isn't that time. There's mourning to be done. Grief to be dealt with. Pain to be endured. Just leave spaces that might be filled with better things much later. Now isn't the time to go shopping or have lunch. A year or two down the road...or six as Cameron has found, might be more appropriate.
Hang in there, darlin'. You are much loved on this side world.
Alissia Darling you used the blog to help others which is a good intention and I am proud of you . You also use it to help with therapy and vent not in a bad way but as love ones go and how intense the topic is feelings can and will get hurt that cant be avoided but placing it in view of whole world to view makes others you don't want to see it get hurt or use is to stir the as you put it proverbale stick in the bucket!! and thats what they did It wasn't insenitive on your part or cruel I love you dearly and promised not to lie your are not an asshat
ReplyDeletedid i metion i hate that word (asshat); but you are the wonderful lady I am and fell in love darlin *smiles* how can I not be in love with you?
The problem is that Jill is also in love with you and shes hurting , your sons our also hurting and to be honest they need time to cope I will be there on Saturday night and hold you in my arms as we drift to sleep, I'll talk in person about this and maybe you should also bring it up at your therapy see what doc says? maybe not ,I love you Darlin More than words can say *smiles* please be well and happy . All my love and all my Kisses
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Love Megan