From here....
..... I look at the clock. Almost witching hour again. My apologies to The Lady Dreamweaver. Perhaps there is a better turn of phrase, but I can't think of it right now. Feeling morose, and noticing how dark this all sometimes gets....Who said it's always darkest before...dawn? a storm? something. Even if I am up all night I will still be waiting for dawn to break. It's not that ball of heat and light rising into the morning sky, but rather the dawn that breaks the darkness within us, sees us through to a new day.
My thoughts bounce around in my head like gamma rays with Schroedinger's cat in a box. I look back at those like Dreamweaver and Cameron's warlock that I have battled in the past. No concept of winning, only being able to achieve a draw, where the other reluctantly sulks away into the night. I see the bright lights of Orion in the sky and think of the elder gods who spoke to me in the hills long ago. I see the orange glow against the clouds and see the fires sweeping through consuming everything in their path. I see a shoe and think of the well thought of and respected man I saw die infront of me.....with holes in both of his shoes. I see the clock again and I think of the time lost that we can never get back...the song....... The world we knew won't come back The time we've lost can't get back The life we had won't be ours again.....
This world will never be what I expected. And if I don't belong........
It's not too late, it's never to late.
What was I expecting? A vision? Inner peace?
Chatted on line and talked with Megan till 10:30. I should be asleep, but wanted to get this out of me. She's womderful...but we both worry we won't be what the other wants or needs. She knows I love her, and I know she loves me...so why the fear? Is it perhaps love is not always enough? I guess.....I know it wan't enough to keep me and my ex together. I'm not on the rebound, but I still think fondly of her. I couldn;t have stayed, and she couldn't have had me stay. That wasn't in the cards. Too many jokers n this deck.
I keep on slipping into the future. Setting the darkness behind. Reaching out a hand to those I love, helping them as far as they are willing to go...
....to there.
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Evocative thoughts. Maybe I'm a witch because I know those dark nights of the soul; when hope seems gone, the past painfully real; late nights and early mornings where I walk the abyss; those spaces where, in the end, I face only myself. And when the light comes, am left with only me. And maybe I am a witch because that is enough for me. To look within and see divinity. To look without and see Cameron. Friends like you. Like a labyrinth, we never seem to be in the same place at the same time. But we walk the same paths and sometimes, when they twist just right, we can reach across the barrier and touch.
ReplyDeleteBlessed be, my friend.
I have read this...I have to leave for school very shortly. I will be posting when I get back! Much love and hugs...you are not alone!
ReplyDeleteMy darling Ali,
ReplyDeleteThe past is just that the presance is where you are and we all are,
but
the future isnt planed out or yet set
so i ask you to make it perfectly clear Alissa Megan Rose- Pait
please spend it in my arms and in my heart with me i asking forever with you
Marry me my love i wont every let you down ill be there and guide you through darkness as we walk hand in hand our love is strong enough my love im sure and thoose that dont think so will fade away as we all know true love is strong force there is and thats what we have with all my very essance of my beeening i swear i will love you forever all my love my body and my every thing you but to take my hand and im yours forever Ali, i love you witl Love and kisses Megan Tabatha Alissa Pait